Most people have at least one friend that will pour out their woes, tell you how bad things are and then ask for your advice. You, being the great friend you are, give world class solutions that would immediately set the world right, and your friend takes absolutely none of that advice and worse, next week, you get a call and find yourself in the middle of the exact same conversation with all the same woes intact. What advice do you give now?
My answer is give none. It’s not why they called and you’ll just get frustrated with the game you find yourself playing. You see, your friend already knows the answer to their problems, has decided the solution is not worth the work and is only looking for validation for their anger and frustration.
Human beings are creatures of habit. They learn ways to deal with their own particular situation from their parents, their siblings, peers, authority figures, and then keep repeating those behaviors until they become habitual. The problem with that is those behaviors are usually the result of other people’s influence on our lives and the resulting habits become our excuse for our problems rather than the solution. When was the last time you sat down and asked yourself what do you really want? When was the last time you allowed an honest reflection of what’s going on in your life to be your guide? If you know what you really want, why are you not taking steps to change your situation?
At the base of most non action is fear. Fear that what you try won’t work, fear of what might happen to you if you do try it, and worst of all, fear that it may really be you that is the real problem. But that fear stops your growth, debilitates you and ends the search for answers that we should all be engaged in. All too often we make our decisions based on our fears rather than our hopes and dreams and the frustration grows and the progress stops.
So let’s say you’ve had that conversation with yourself and you know what you want but you still have fear because it involves change. Try these five things and see if you can get started on a new and better you:
Education - find out everything you can about that which you fear, more specifically, if it is about relationships (and it usually is), educate yourself about relationship behaviors that work and those that don’t.
Action Plan - Commit what you want to do and how you plan to do it to paper and then let people you trust validate or help reshape that plan. Having a plan means you are already over 50% towards success.
Action - Deep breath, do it. Remember why you’re doing this, remember this is for your growth!
Training - The chance to get better. The chance to grow. Repeat what works, modify what doesn’t.
Habit – Actions and behaviors, over time and repetition, become habits. What are your habits, how are they helping?
None of this is easy, and it’s not meant to be. Change is difficult and chaotic and weird and totally worth it. The life you want won’t be fear free but you have to go for it anyway. So let me ask you:
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?