What Do You Really Want? How Fear, Habit, and Action Shape Your Life

Most people have at least one friend who pours out their woes, explains how bad things are, and then asks for your advice. Being the great friend you are, you offer world-class solutions that could immediately set things right… and your friend takes none of it. Worse, next week you get the same call, the same story, the same problems.

What advice do you give now? My answer: give none. That’s not why they called — and giving advice will only frustrate you. Your friend already knows the answer to their problems. They’ve simply decided the solution isn’t worth the work and are only looking for validation for their anger and frustration.

We Become Creatures of Habit

Human beings are creatures of habit. We learn how to deal with life from:

• parents

• siblings

• peers

• authority figures

…and then we repeat those behaviors until they become automatic.

The problem is that these habits were shaped by other people’s influence — and they eventually become our excuses instead of our solutions. So when was the last time you asked yourself:

• What do you really want?

• When was the last time you allowed honest reflection to guide your decisions?

• If you know what you want, why aren’t you taking steps to change your situation?

Fear Is at the Root of Most Non-Action

At the base of most hesitation is fear:

• Fear that what you try won’t work

• Fear of what might happen if you do try

• Fear that you might be the real problem

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Fear stops growth. Fear keeps you stuck. Fear shuts down the search for answers that all of us should be actively pursuing. Too often, we make decisions based on our fears, not our hopes .And when that happens, frustration grows and progress stops.

Five Steps to Break Through Fear and Move Forward

So let’s say you’ve been honest with yourself. You know what you really want. But fear still holds you back because it means change. Try these steps to move toward a better you:

Education

Find out everything you can about what you fear. If it involves relationships — and it usually does — educate yourself about what healthy behaviors look like and what doesn’t work.

Action Plan

Commit your plan to paper. Let trusted people review it, validate it, or help reshape it.A written plan puts you halfway to success.

Action

Take a deep breath — and do it. Remember why change matters. Remember this is for your growth.

Training

Train yourself. Practice. Repeat what works. Modify what doesn’t.

Habit

Over time, consistent actions become habits. Ask yourself: What habits are you keeping — and how do they help or hurt you?

Change Isn’t Easy — But It’s Worth It

None of this is easy, and it’s not meant to be. Change is difficult, chaotic, uncomfortable — and absolutely worth it. The life you want won’t be fear-free. But you have to pursue it anyway.

So let me ask you one more time: WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

If you’re ready to move from frustration to progress, explore tools that help you clarify your goals and take meaningful action. Start with our Leadership Approach workbook.