Stop Comparing Your Leadership Style to Someone Else's

Leadership advice often focuses on what leaders should do. Communicate clearly. Hold people accountable. Build trust. Address conflict. While those principles are important, many leaders quietly struggle with a different challenge: comparing themselves to other leaders and wondering if they are doing it wrong.

Let's explore why leaders often compare their internal experience to someone else's external behavior, how that comparison can undermine confidence, and why there is no single personality type or communication style required for effective leadership.

For years, I have watched other leaders navigate difficult conversations and thought, "They make that look easy." If I'm being honest, I have often compared myself to leaders I admire and assumed they were handling conversations more confidently, more naturally, or more effectively than I was. I would spend time preparing for a difficult discussion, thinking through every angle, considering how the other person might respond, and then replaying the conversation afterward. Meanwhile, I would watch someone else address a situation directly and appear completely comfortable doing it.

One of those people is Ian.

I've often described Ian and me by saying that he is the storm and I am the calm. We are very different people. Ian tends to approach situations head-on. He is willing to have the difficult conversation, address the issue, and move forward. From the outside, it can appear as though he is completely unbothered by those interactions. For a long time, I assumed that meant he experienced those conversations differently than I did.

The reality is more complicated. While Ian may appear more direct, he still spends time thinking through his goals, considering why the conversation is necessary, and determining what outcome he hopes to achieve. He simply processes those things differently than I do. The same leadership principle is being applied, but the path to getting there looks different.

I have seen something similar with another leader who manages a team of employees. She often appears calm and confident when dealing with workplace issues. Yet behind the scenes, she also worries about difficult conversations. She hopes some situations will resolve themselves before intervention becomes necessary. She thinks carefully about what needs to be said and how it should be delivered. In other words, she is human.

The more I have paid attention, the more I have realized that many leaders are making an unfair comparison. We compare our internal experience to someone else's external behavior. We know our own doubts, worries, frustrations, and second-guessing. We know how much preparation went into a conversation and how many times we replayed it afterward. What we do not know is what is happening inside the mind of the leader we are comparing ourselves to.

That realization changes the way we should think about leadership.

Stop Comparing Your Leadership Style to Someone Else's: There Is No Leadership Personality Requirement

One of the most persistent leadership myths is that successful leaders share the same personality traits. Some people believe great leaders are naturally confident. Others believe great leaders are extroverts. Some assume they enjoy difficult conversations or never question their decisions. My experience has shown otherwise.

I have worked with outstanding leaders who are highly outgoing and energetic. I have also worked with exceptional leaders who are quiet, thoughtful, and reserved. Some leaders process ideas by talking through them. Others prefer to think before speaking. Some address issues immediately, while others need time to reflect before responding.

The common denominator is not personality. The common denominator is a commitment to leadership principles. Strong leaders communicate. Strong leaders build relationships. Strong leaders hold people accountable. Strong leaders care about their teams.

How those principles are expressed may look different from one leader to another.

Introverts, Extroverts, and Leadership Success

I think this lesson is particularly important because leadership conversations often focus on what introverts struggle with while overlooking the challenges extroverts face.

An introverted leader may worry about speaking up, addressing conflict, or leading a meeting. They may assume an extroverted leader has an advantage because communication appears more natural.

At the same time, extroverted leaders face their own challenges. Their energy can sometimes be perceived as intensity. Their directness can be interpreted as aggression. Their willingness to speak quickly can unintentionally overshadow quieter voices in the room.

Neither personality type has a monopoly on effective leadership. Both bring strengths. Both face obstacles. Both require self-awareness. The goal is not to become someone else. The goal is to become the best version of yourself as a leader.

What Matters Most

Over the years, I have come to appreciate that leadership is not about copying someone else's style. If I tried to lead exactly like Ian, it would not be authentic. If he tried to lead exactly like me, it would not be authentic either. The same is true for every leader reading this article.

People do not need another version of someone else. They need the best version of you.

That means understanding your strengths, recognizing your challenges, and continuing to develop your skills without believing you must change your personality to be effective.

Leadership principles matter, so does character, communication and relationships. The personality package those things arrive in is far less important than many people think.

Lead Like You

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that effective leadership does not require a specific personality type, communication style, or approach to difficult conversations. It requires a willingness to learn, grow, communicate, and lead with intention.

The next time you find yourself comparing your leadership style to someone else's, remember that you are probably comparing your internal experience to their external behavior. That comparison will almost always be unfair.

Instead of making assumptions, consider having a conversation with that leader. Ask them how they approach difficult conversations, decision-making, conflict, or communication. You may be surprised to learn that the leader you admire experiences many of the same doubts, frustrations, and challenges that you do. Some of the best leadership lessons come from honest conversations with other leaders who are willing to share what happens behind the scenes.

Focus instead on developing your own strengths, improving your own skills, and leading in a way that is authentic to who you are. There is more than one way to be an effective leader.

The best leadership style is not someone else's. It is yours.

Understand Your Leadership Style

Effective leadership is not about becoming someone else. It is about understanding your strengths, recognizing opportunities for growth, and developing a leadership style that is authentic to who you are.

The LIA Leadership Assessment is designed to help leaders gain greater self-awareness, identify strengths, and uncover opportunities for growth. If this article resonated with you, consider taking the next step in your leadership journey by learning more about how the assessment process works.

LIA Leadership In Action 360 Assessment