Imagine Being the Reason Someone Quits Their Job
Imagine being the reason someone quits their job. Not because they found a better opportunity, wanted a different career, or experienced a change in their personal circumstances, but because coming to work had become something they dreaded. They may have enjoyed their responsibilities, valued their coworkers, and needed the income. Yet somewhere along the way, the experience of coming to work changed, and leaving began to feel like the only reasonable option.
Most of us have encountered a difficult boss at some point in our careers. Maybe it was someone who never seemed satisfied, communicated poorly, dismissed concerns, or made employees feel that nothing they did was good enough. When we hear stories about employees leaving because of toxic leadership behaviors, it's easy to picture someone we've worked for or someone we've watched make life difficult for others.
But here's something I've learned through years of working with leaders and employees: the person responsible for creating that experience may have no idea they're doing it. They may believe they're doing a good job, holding people accountable, and meeting the organization's expectations. Meanwhile, the people reporting to them are having an entirely different experience.
Toxic Leadership Behaviors Aren't Always Intentional
When we talk about toxic leadership behaviors, it's easy to imagine someone who deliberately intimidates, humiliates, or mistreats employees. Those situations certainly exist, but not every damaging leadership behavior comes from someone who intends to cause harm.
Sometimes the behaviors are simply part of how a leader operates every day. A leader who communicates abruptly may believe they're being efficient. Someone who provides limited direction may assume employees understand the bigger picture. A leader who rarely takes time to connect with employees may see themselves as professional and focused on getting the work done.
To the leader, these behaviors are normal. They're not necessarily trying to make anyone uncomfortable, and they may never consider that their approach could be creating problems. But the employee on the receiving end may experience those same behaviors as dismissive, confusing, or discouraging.
It's also important to recognize that employees don't all respond to leadership behaviors in the same way. One employee may appreciate a direct communication style while another finds it intimidating. One may work comfortably with limited direction while another needs more information to feel confident about expectations. Understanding those differences is part of leading people effectively.
I don't believe leaders need to change their personalities to accommodate every individual preference. They do, however, need to recognize that their intentions and the impact of their behaviors aren't always the same. What feels perfectly normal to the leader may be creating unnecessary difficulties for someone else.
When Toxic Leadership Behaviors Become the Reason Employees Leave
Most employees don't decide to leave their jobs because of one difficult conversation or one frustrating day. Every workplace has challenges, and even good leaders occasionally say something poorly, make an unpopular decision, or handle a situation in a way they later regret.
The problem develops when those experiences become a pattern. An employee raises a concern and feels dismissed. They ask for direction and leave the conversation more confused than when they started. They make an effort to improve a working relationship, but nothing seems to change. Eventually, they begin questioning whether their situation will ever be different.
I think that's an important distinction. Sometimes employees aren't leaving because of one particular behavior. They're leaving because they've reached the conclusion that the behavior will continue, the organization accepts it, and they have little ability to influence the situation.
At that point, the employee faces a decision. They can accept the working environment as it is, or they can look for another opportunity. For someone who needs the income, enjoys the work, or has invested years in the organization, that isn't necessarily an easy decision. And while all of this is happening, the leader may be completely unaware that an employee is considering leaving. From the leader's perspective, things may be operating exactly as they always have.
Why Toxic Leadership Behaviors May Never Come Up in an Exit Interview
I've often wondered how many leaders are genuinely surprised when an employee resigns. The employee may explain that they've accepted another opportunity, need a different schedule, or simply feel it's time for a change. Sometimes those explanations are entirely accurate. People leave organizations for many reasons, and not every resignation is a reflection of poor leadership, but sometimes there's more to the story.
Even when organizations conduct exit interviews, employees may be reluctant to identify a particular leader as the reason they're leaving. Think about how uncomfortable that conversation could be. The employee may want to preserve professional relationships, avoid confrontation, or simply move forward without revisiting everything that led to the decision.
And if the employee has already concluded that nothing will change, what incentive do they have to explain the problem now?
The organization may record the departure as a new career opportunity, and the leader may accept that explanation without considering whether their own behaviors contributed to the decision. The employee moves on, someone new is hired, and the same leadership behaviors continue.
That's one of the challenges with relying on turnover or exit interviews to identify leadership problems. By the time someone resigns, the opportunity to improve that particular working relationship may already be gone.
Recognizing Toxic Leadership Behaviors Starts With Self-Awareness
Now I'd like you to consider something. When you first read the title of this article, did someone come to mind? Perhaps a former boss, a difficult supervisor, or a leader you've watched drive employees away. It's easy to recognize behaviors in other people, particularly when we've experienced their consequences ourselves, but what if someone thinks of you when they read that same title?
That's not an easy possibility to consider. Most leaders don't begin their day intending to make employees miserable. They have responsibilities, expectations, deadlines, and decisions to make. They're trying to accomplish the work in front of them, often without recognizing how their everyday interactions might affect the people around them.
This is where self-awareness becomes so important. Leaders need to be willing to examine not only what they're doing, but how others experience what they're doing. That means listening when employees express concerns, considering feedback that may be uncomfortable, and recognizing that having good intentions doesn't automatically mean our behaviors are producing good results.
It also means understanding that holding employees accountable is not the same as creating a toxic work environment. Leaders have a responsibility to establish expectations, address performance problems, and make difficult decisions. Employees won't always agree with those decisions, and they won't always be happy with their leader, but accountability can be delivered with respect, consistency, and a genuine commitment to helping people succeed.
One of the challenges with leadership blind spots is that we can't always recognize them on our own. That's why feedback matters. A 360-degree assessment, for example, can help leaders compare how they view their own leadership with how others experience it. Our LIA 360 Assessment is designed to support that kind of reflection and identify opportunities for growth before those blind spots create larger problems.
Throughout my career, I've seen how much difference a leader's willingness to listen, reflect, and make adjustments can have on the people they lead. We won't always get everything right, and we certainly won't make everyone happy. But we can take responsibility for understanding the effect our behaviors have on others.
So before you dismiss the possibility that you could be the reason someone decides to leave, consider asking yourself a different question: What might my employees be experiencing that I haven't taken the time to recognize?
You may not like every answer, but being willing to hear it could make the difference between an employee who begins looking for the door and one who believes things can get better.
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